I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
