Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it hurts more in the daytime
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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