Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
