I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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