he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize