i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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