i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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