We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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