Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
