Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
