Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
