i permit you to call me
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
