update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
