where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
