my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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