all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
