; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
