hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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