he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
