it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
