doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize