Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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