I wish I could teleport
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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