you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
