East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
