All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Two words: nipple clamps
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