My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
