i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
