reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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