I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
