woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize