watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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