Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am one with the molecules
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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