I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
