hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
