fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
