You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
