Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
