For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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