I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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