Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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