She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The best revenge is premature balding
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
