It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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