So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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