you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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