I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
