I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
