xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
