Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize