i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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