how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
