Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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