My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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