Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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