I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
