If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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