And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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