I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
