I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
