i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
