next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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