I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
