i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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