so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
