yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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