I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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