My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
