I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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