So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
